Problems in the Partnership? Fix the Communication

Chris:

Every time I try to talk with my business partner, it always turns into an argument. We can't seem to decide on even the simplest thing. For a while, we each have been doing our own thing and avoiding each other. This doesn't work well though we obviously argue less. It's reached the point that our inability to communicate is hurting our business. What can I do? 

The Problem with Communication Is That It Involves Other People

I've found a common problem with communication when I'm conducting mediation meetings. People always think they know what the other party is thinking. They'll say things like, "I know Bill won't like this, but I think..."  Opening your thoughts with that sort of lead in is going to put 'Bill' on edge before you even make your point. Never start by negatively setting the stage. So then, how should you start a conversation about a hard subject? In this post I'll give you the 7 steps to conduct less tense and more fruitful meetings with your business partner. 

7 Steps to Communicating with Your Business Partner

Steps 1 (and 2): Listen First, Speak Next

It is best to start every difficult conversation with your business partner by listening. You know that's true and this isn't the first time you've heard that advice, but how can you actually start by listening if you asked for the meeting? Are you supposed to say, "tell me your thoughts" when your partner doesn't even know what you want to discuss? Of course not. Let's say you think it's time for you, or both partners, to get a raise. That's a tough conversation when you have a boss, and it's no easier when you own the company with someone else!

Here's how to start by listening (Step 1). Ask questions (Step 2) and actually listen to the answers. "Bill, do you have thoughts about us increasing our salaries?" Or, "what are your thoughts about us taking a salary increase?" Notice that both questions are open-ended and both require more than a 'YES' or 'NO' response. If you get a curt "NO!" you must continue to ask questions to get your partner to engage. For example, "can you elaborate on why you feel that way?" Do not begin to debate positions at this time. Remember, you want to listen. If you say something like, "I knew you'd say that but..." you're already in a hole. Do not get dragged into a debate. You are asking these questions to learn, not to debate. You might even hear something reasonable that causes you to delay going further with the discussion. Listen and learn. Keep asking questions. "Do you think we're making too much now?" "Do you see business slowing down or growing over the next few months?" These questions not only will help you in the discussion when it's your turn to talk, they will get your partner into a less argumentative mode. It works.

Step 3: Prepare

When taking on a challenge, people do not plan to fail; they fail to plan. In preparation for this important conversation, make some notes in advance. Start by defining your objective and be very specific. If you think it's time for a raise, write out "It's time for a raise and I want to increase my salary to $X per week starting on the first of next month." See how specific that is? List what you want, a raise, how much you want, $X per week, and when you'd like it to commence, first of next month. Being clear and specific in your own mind will make it easier for you have the discussion and you'll come off with more authority and confidence. When people exhibit confidence, they'll be less likely to be bullied.

Next, write down your questions that will help lead the discussion. Don't be too leading though. People can spot that and you'll appear somewhat silly. Keep the questions open-ended. Don't be patronizing. And don't play all your cards in one flop. Never "Do I deserve a raise?" or "Since I do more than you, do you think I should get a raise now?"

Think about what you want to know that will help make the case for how you want the conversation to go. Have questions ready like, "Is the business doing better than it was last year at this time?" "How much longer will we be making payments on the SBA loan?" (That can be an objection to you getting a higher salary, "We shouldn't take raises until we get the SBA loan paid off". Really, this step is all about planning. Planning your questions in advance will make it easier. And, remember to listen! You aren't asking questions as an exercise in futility. Listen. Listen. Listen.  

Step 4: When It's Your Time to Speak...

Once you've had your questions addressed, and it's time to shine, start by asking that you have the same courtesy as you extended while your partner spoke. Say it nicely but clearly. "I'd like to talk about my view on this subject, and I'd appreciate it if you would allow me to speak without being interrupted. Thank you".   

Step 5: State Your Case

Now it's time to get your point of view on the table. Explain what it is that you want in straight forward and clear terms. This is the time to be direct. Above all, do not hedge. I want to scream sometimes in meetings when we're in the midst of a buyout negotiation and someone will say, "I can't really come down much more" or "I think I really can't offer more because this is already stressing me". Do either of those sound like firm positions? It doesn't take much negotiation skill to see these positions are both weak. Why would the opposition compromise their position when they know the other side is hedging.

In the Preparation Step I told you to be very clear with your position. You are looking for a specific amount under very specific terms. Whatever it is that you want from this meeting, state it directly without watering it down. Think about this, if you were buying a car from someone, and they have a sign on the car that says, "For Sale, $9,500". When you meet in person with the seller, and they say, "I can't really go down much" will you pay $9,500? I doubt it! Your job, as buyer, is to find out what the seller means by "much".

Once you stated what it is that you want, provide your supporting arguments. Again, I want to emphasize that you must be clear and direct.

Step 6: Redirect

Now is the time for your partner to speak.  But don't say something like, "well, what do you think?" That's like asking for permission. Ask a question that will support your position. This part is sales 101. "Don't you think we can justify giving us both raises?" "Isn't the timing right for us both to take an increase?" Or even, "Do you see a reason we can't pay ourselves a little more starting May 1?"  

The key here is to ask a reasonable question and wait for the answer. Do not jump in and start stammering, "I think we can justify it and I promise to get all me work done". That sounds like a child pleading to keep a kitten. Act like a child and your partner will treat you like one. When you ask for comments, listen. 

Step 7: Ask for a Resolution

Your meeting must end with resolution. No, that doesn't mean you'll always get your way. You can't always win, but you can always finish with a definitive conclusion. If your partner offers reasonable objections to your proposal, there is nothing wrong with delaying implementation of what you've asked for.

Again though, we want to focus on specifics. If your partner says, "look, we just can't afford raises right now," you can say, "let's set a metric or benchmark in revenue that will signal time for raises." You can offer something definitive, "when we hit $20,000 in sales for three straight months, we will be in position to take 15% raises, agreed?" If you have prepared well and if you offer specifics and still can't get a commitment from your partner, you can say, "let's talk about this again in 30 days. That will give us both time to give this more thought." The important thing is to never leave a meeting like this without some kind of resolution.

"No" is not a resolution. Besides, every decision is not solely up to your partner(s) unless the Operating Agree says so. That would be rare. Always end with something definitive.

Summary

Improving communication with your business partner will take work on your part. It's not very likely you will change your partner. If they are rude and dismissive, that won't change. However, you can change the flow and tone of the discussion by being prepared. You want to conduct a structured dialogue. If you plead for what you want, you will hear "no" more often than not. By following these steps you are directing the tenor of the meeting. That alone is an accomplishment. 

And, if you need help, talk to me. Helping people fix partnership issues is all I do. And, frankly, if your partner is someone who gets pleasure out of making you uncomfortable, maybe it's time to start buyout talks. 

Chris Reich, Business Partnership Mediation

"Improving communication with your business partner will take work on your part. It's not very likely you will change your partner. If they are rude and dismissive, that won't change. However, you can change the flow and tone of the discussion by being prepared."

Chris Reich, Partnership Mediator